25 ways to anger Edward
by XxXHeIsMyGuardianAngelXxX
Summary: The title says it all.
1. 25 ways to anger Edward

25 ways to anger Edward

Disclaimer-I do not own anything.

1. Call Edward and pretend to be the Volturi and say that if he doesn't change Bella soon, we will eat her.

2. Get Bella drunk.

3. Blame Emmett.

4. Say Bella was raped and beaten...by Mike Newton.

5. Color his Volvo pink and yellow...

6. ... And blame it on Mike Newton

7. Have Emmett force feed him real food.

8. Fill out a application to a gay strip club with his name on it.

9. Convince Bella that he is gay...

10. ...and say that he is seeing Mike Newton.

11. Tell Edward that Bella thinks he is gay.

12. Have Carlisle give him "The Talk."

13. Tell him that Alice saw him giving Mike Newton a lap dance.

14. "Accidentally" push Bella off a 34 story building and blame it on Mike Newton...

15. "Heroically" save Bella before she dies.

16. Have Alice dress Bella as a punk emo...

17. And make him check Bella for "scars."

18. Prank call him and pretend to be Mike Newton...

19. And talk about how crappy their relationship is and how he should be with Bella.

20. Tell Everyone at school that he is gay...

21. And he is having an affair on Bella with his brother Jasper.

22. Break all of his C.D.'s and blame it on Esme.

23. Say that he is not allowed to see Bella until he changes her...

24. Say it was her idea.

25. Blame Emmett for everything that has happened.


	2. 25 ways to anger Jacob

25 Ways to Anger Jacob

Special thanks to BloodRedTwililght for the idea to do Jacob.

Disclaimer-I don't own anything

1. Give him an alarm clock that goes off every five minutes

2. Gather all the vampires and make them dance along the border line.

3. Say it was Bella's idea.

4. Have Sam keep him on duty for three weeks straight doing nothing.

5. While he is on duty, let all the other werewolves go out and party.

6. And make all the werewolves think about it at all times.

7. Say it was Paul's idea.

8. Sign him up for the same gay strip club that Edward is in.

9. And force him to give Edward a lap dance.

10. Hide all his shoes.

11. And pants.

12. And blame it on Embry.

13. Say that the vampires are going to change Bella in five minutes.

14. And force him to run across the boundary line to "save" her.

15. Say it was Emily's idea.

16. So then he attacks Emily.

17. And then he gets attacked by Sam.

18. Say that Edward has crossed the line and make him go get him.

19. But when he gets there, its really Quil in a bad Dracula costume.

20. Post pictures of him naked all over the Forks and La Push high schools.

21. Then make Bella yell at him for posting said pictures.

22. Have Edward attack him because we said he wanted to kiss Bella again.

23. Have Edward attack just because.

24. Force him to take Leah to the prom.

25. Blame it all on Emmett.


	3. HELP!

HELP!!!!

I know i need to update soon, but working on a new chapter about Esme and i need help!!

Ive got 14 ways, but i cant think and i need suggestions!!

please help me!!!!!


	4. 25 ways to anger Esme

**Chapter 3...**

**25 ways to anger Esme**

**Disclaimer-OK...Gosh ill admit it...I don't own anything**.

* * *

1. Throw dirt all over her living room and say Edward did it.

2. Say he did it because she broke all of his C.D.'s

3. When she looks at you like your stupid because she didn't break all of Edward's C.D.'s, blame Emmett.

4. Say that all of the nurses have seduced Carlisle.

5. Make her believe that Carlisle doesn't love her.

6. When she doesn't believe you, blame that stupid kid that lives down the block.

7. Have Emmett yank every door off of its hinges.

8. Push her off of a cliff.

9. Gather all of the newborn babies at the hospital and make her change all the diapers.

10. Say it was Bella's idea.

11. Tell her to go on a week long hunting trip and say you will take care of the house...

12. Don't take care of the house.

13. Blame Emmett.

14. Break everything in sight and blame it on Emmett.(thank you La tua cantante101 for the idea.)

15. Tell her all of her "children" went to the Voultri and died.(thank you PrincessofDarkness788.)

16. Hide all of the vases in the house.

17. Say you are leaving and never coming back.

18. Play loud, obnoxious music all night and all day for weeks and refuse to turn it down.

19. Say that Jasper lost control at school.

20. When everything is packed and ready for them to move again, finally tell her it was just a joke.

21. Redecorate her whole house into some retro 80's look.

22. Say Alice did it.

23. Take down all of the pictures in the house and replace them with nude pictures of random people that nobody actually knows.

24. Say it was Emmett's idea.

25. Blame Bella on everything.

* * *

**Thank you all for your ideas and suggestions for this chapter!!**


	5. 25 ways to anger Bella

**Chapter 4 - 25 ways to anger Bella**

**Disclaimer- I obviously don't own this, I'm just not smart enough. DON'T JUDGE ME!?!**

* * *

1. Call her a (insert favorite food here) on legs. 

2. Force her to watch Eight Legged freaks at 1 a.m. in the morning.

3. Then have Emmett chase her around the house dressed as a giant spider.

4. Prank call her as Jessica Stanley and ask her if Edward is really as good in bed as everyone says.

5. Tell her that Lauren said he was amazing.

6. When she starts crying hysterically, finally tell her its a joke.

7. Prank call her for weeks on end as Mike Newton constantly asking her to go out with him.

8. Prank call her at all.

9. Tell her that Edward left again.

10. When Edward comes in the room wondering why Bella is lying on the floor, clutching her chest, and in the fetal position, Blame it all on Emmett.

11. When she finally forgives you for the whole 'Edward leaving' incident, tell her that the werewolves got a hold of him and he didn't make it.

12. When she doesn't believe you, tear off Jaspers arm and say that was all that was all that was left of Edward.

13. Continuously sing old Brittney Spears songs whenever she walks by.

14. Trip her just to see her Blush.

15. Trip her just to see her fall.

16. Trip her just for the heck of it.

17. Let Alice play 'Dress Up Bella' for a month or two.

18. Buy her things.

19. Push her off of a 34 story building and then 'heroically' save her ( sound familiar;)

20. Tell her that Edward is cheating on her.

21. Tell her about the whole 'Edward/Gay strip club thing.'

22. Keep her locked up in a window less room with only a bird that wont stop chirping for company.

23. Say that she is going to take a trip to Italy with Edward.

24. Wear red contacts.

25. Blame it all on (guess who) Emmett.


End file.
